Life as the Wife of A Cancer Patient

This blog is supposed to be about my life and my cooking.  I have been sharing cooking for the last couple days.. now i wanted to share some of my life.  For those of you reading this that know my family, this is all old news but since some of you might not know us I thought it was good to give you some of the reasons why I am writing this blog.  I have been a life long cook and baker.  I have the spare tire around my midsection to prove it.  Making people happy through food is a deep pleasure for me.  I love to see people happy.  I love to watch their face as they take that first bite and they smile.  It relaxes me and makes me feel good about myself.  Then along came this man.  He was cold and distant and tried to push me away at first to protect himself from getting hurt.  All that I could deal with and it didnt bother me.  He was a bit like my dad in that way.  You could see the soft side and hear the little kid in him and I knew he was a keeper.   What I couldnt deal with, was that he was a boxed, frozen and canned food guy!!!
Seriously!  How could I be with someone like that.  So i set out to fix it.  I made him try new things and made him look at food in a different way.  He now eats vegetables, new foods and ways of cooking are now seen as challenges to master, not to hide from, or push under the plate.  We LOVE to spend time pouring over magazines and looking at recipes online and reading cookbooks.  We are still pretty conservative compared to some people but for this man to say to me that he can thank me for his palate.. well that was the highest compliment.
I have been in nursing school since September 2008.  I love helping people so this a natural choice for me.  But it has been a huge damper in my cooking/baking/canning time.  Nik and Aaron, along with Rob, have taken over the kitchen.  This has been a hard adjustment for me.  I was always the queen and they would help. 
On top of all that is so busy in my life, Rob was diagnosed with cancer in October.  After 4 long months of not knowing what was wrong this was not what we had expected to hear.   My 30 year old, sweet and sassy husband who loved me to blind distraction,was facing cancer.  The Big C.  The Life Changer.   We hit is like everything else we do, head on and with love in our lives.  The last couple months have been hard for us.  Robs health was only fair to begin with (which is a whole other story) and this was not something that he should have had to deal with.  He always says that WE are dealing with and fighting this together and while I get the theory, it doesnt ring true to me.  Today he had chemo and HE was the one sitting there being pumped full of poison.  I struggle with the guilt at not being able to stop his pain and to stop his hair loss which is so devestating to him.  I struggle with the fear of this changing the man he is.  I stuggle with the loss of faith in the power of good.  And I struggle with my ability to continue to feel like my schooling has any importance, if i cant even keep my husband feeling well.. how can I help other people.
I wrote this post for a myriad of reasons.  I needed to get it out being the main reason.  I wrote this blog as a way to find something in my life that is sane and normal and common place and still part of my life before school and illness took over.  I have 5 months until graduation and my hope is that this blog will help me keep connected a bit, with the woman that my life has kept me from being the last two years.  The woman who was able to change someones life, and open doors, through food.
Thanks for letting me tell you why, and…..

Happy Living
Kim

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. brooksie03051
    Dec 21, 2010 @ 00:36:25

    I know it is hard and I am so glad you have this site to get to your creative side when you have so much on your plate. You need an outlet and this is it so use it as much as possible.

    Reply

    • kimmicooks
      Dec 21, 2010 @ 00:46:53

      Brooksie, you are a shining star in Rob and my life. I wouldnt be able to deal with as much as i do, if it wasnt for people like you. I love you girl!

      Reply

  2. brannyboilsover
    Dec 21, 2010 @ 07:17:32

    You guys can totally conquer this. Stay strong.

    Reply

    • kimmicooks
      Dec 21, 2010 @ 07:42:35

      Thanks!! That isnt really a concern more than watching him go through this. He is just so sick and that isnt like him. Thanks for the good thoughts.. that helps alot!!

      Reply

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